so my car is either dead or dying, and i felt like a bad mother for abandoning it in the ghetto. hopefully unsavory characters can tell from the way it looks that it is nothing worth stealing, because i love that car despite it all. it's tough and temperamental, but it's been there for me many a night, making sure i always felt like i had places to go. (even if only the columbus walmart at 2 am.)

i started my online classes today, and algebra/trig looks terrifying. i barely remember how to use numbers anymore, let alone letters that stand for hypothetical numbers!

i am supposed to work in columbus tomorrow, and i have no idea how that is going to happen.
i really don't want to go back.

i am happy, and that is all i have to say.

as the weather is picking up, so are my mood and mentality. sometimes you stumble across things that appear to be all that you want…only to discover things you never knew you needed. this year my life has been all about feeling good, while only doing things that feel natural and right. (bad things can make you feel good too, even if not for long.)

i feel like there’s more that i could say, but i would much rather go enjoy this weather.

i had a much needed awesome night out last night. i'm hungover as hell, but it was more than worth it. newcastle will be the death of me, i am sure.

i love who i am, i love the people i know, and i'm excited for my future.

"Love is the thing that everybody's looking for, even when we know it's hard to find, and I know that finding it is a cakewalk compared to living with it, and the only thing worse than living with it is losing it."

all i do is work.
and it still feels like i never have enough money.


i'm lonely.
(but i'll be okay.)

uhmmm i’m alive. and i have money. and i’m always working.

that’s all really.

bahaha.

"An April 2008 poll by SurveyUSA estimated that at least 18 million American adults had been Rickrolled."

i like

• working
• making money
• getting lots of sleep
• getting ready to start college.

lucky for me....this is my life currently.
SCORE!

so i've been working a few days. i hated it for a minute, but i'm pretty alright now. i only have a partial section for the first week and even though i've been working slow lunch shifts i still make at least 35 dollars every day. for a few hours. i don't mind that.

also, i can sleep without tylenol pm now! this made me so happy i almost cried. i woke up at 8 am today without an alarm. anyone who knows me well, knows what a feat this is for me. i also eat 3 meals a day. i'm just doing all sorts of smart things these days. (it's about time.)

i'll be getting my own place in indy sometime between january and june 2010. until then, i'm slinging steak, saving money, and going to college. i'm doing some much needed self improvement, and i feel great.

that's all.

"Well, everybody wants to go on forever
I just wanna burn up hard and bright
I just wanna be your firecracker
And maybe be your baby tonight."

this song defines just how i feel about relationships these days.
thank you ryan adams.
you're always good at saying the things i don't know how to say.

i'm unusually hard to hold on to.

i'm starting to worry that i disposed of so many bad habits...just to put others in their place.


i keep thinking about eliminating alcohol from my life. currently, i still drink beer and wine occasionally. even when i do drink, i don't "binge drink." i'm in the middle of deciding whether i feel this is okay or not. when i think about doing away with drinking, it's sad to say all i can think is "why?" i do not have an answer to this question, therefore i haven't made a decision.


i'm tired. i don't know what the point of this was.
also i just realized my 2 weeks of no meat are up tomorrow. i think i'm just going to see how long i can keep doing this.

i will figure it out eventually.

"how strange it is to be anything at all."

man...all i want to do is listen to music, make money, and ride my bike alone on empty country roads. i'm ready to start school.


i hate when i start feeling lonely. i've fine most of the time, but this past week has been getting to me.
at least it's nice to know that no matter what, i'll be just fine.

i take comfort in this thought daily.

i am going to lose my mind if i do not get a job by friday.
i am BORED. and BROKE.
tomorrow i am going to use the last of my gas and apply at approximately one million places.
if nothing comes of that, i'm taking it as a sign to develop a nasty drug habit and start hooking.

i registered for school today at ivy tech.
i’m only taking three classes this summer, but i’ll be full time in the fall.
if i go this summer and next summer, i’ll be able to get my AA in one year.
then i have to transfer to IUPUI to get my bachelors in psychology.
so it looks like i’ll be moving back to indianapolis next summer.

i’m excited for my future.

also, i've realized making major changes in the people i surround myself with has been crucial.
i spent the weekend in indianapolis, and had an amazing time.
i met new people, saw some i haven't seen in a while, and most of all thoroughly enjoyed it all despite drinking way too much and only sleeping 3 hrs in a 48 hr period.