news.

i’ve felt surprisingly positive today.
moving home is not something i want to do,
but i feel in the end it will definitely be the best thing for me.
i’m looking forward to taking this time to make myself a better person.

weird fact:
my new sister rachel was born today.
this means eiley has an aunt, who is a little over a month YOUNGER than her.
ha.
i’m excited to meet her when i come home
and to spend time with eiley.
i now have two littles babies to watch grow up.
=]


my sister rachel.
born january 16, 2009



and my niece eiley.
born december 5, 2008




so many babies for me to snuggle and love!

one year ago tomorrow i made the biggest mistake of my life.
the only thing i have ever regretted.
i paid dearly for it, and the results haunt me to this day.


this is all starting to hurt and feel far too real.
please fade.
i cant stand the sound of my heart breaking
over
and
over
anymore.

do i ever cross your mind from time to time?
i always said
if you walk away, i’ll walk away
but you walked away a long long time ago

and i’m still here.

last night i had a dream.
we hung out and you told me you missed me.
you told me things weren't the same anymore.
you wanted to be friends, and most of all
you agreed with me in wishing we had never dated.
the rest of the dream consisted just of us hanging out and riding bikes.

now i am awake and that dream felt so real.
reality is sinking in, and after seeming so close
today you feel even further away.

i think for a few days i lost my mind again. what was i thinking??!!!!????!!!! (i wasn’t thinking, that’s the problem)
i’m too stressed out as of late, and i feel an overwhelming sense of impending doom. a strangling, sinking sense of losing my grip on everything.
despite this, i am still mildly optimistic and have complete faith in myself as a person.

safe to say, this is me….letting go of you.
you will learn these lessons in your own due time, and i’m done trying to enlighten you.

hello new year. i have hope for you. you will be awesome.
i am going to make you my bitch, 2009.
there, i said it.

tomorrow, i am going to get a job.
this is the first of many good decisions.