coincidence: (n) the appearance of a meaningful connection when there is none

you always told me there was no such thing as coincidence. supposedly it all means something.
i chuckled a bit when i went to check out a book by one of your favorite authors. it’s already checked out.
it’s due back on your birthday.

i still disagree, by the way.
a coincidence is nothing more than the above definition states.

note to self: a man in a suit is ridiculously attractive.
must attend more weddings, and hang out in...suit stores?

i just colored my hair back to my natural color.
iz nice.

i also got dressed and put on makeup with the intention of going out.
then i remembered i am in columbus, indiana.
oops.

looks like a glass of wine and zombie movies for me.
again.
(but i am not complaining.)

look here red hair,
i love you on other people but i despise you on myself.
so as i type this, some brown hair dye is removing you from my life.
and if you know what is good for you, you will stay away.
kthnxbye.

i'm just a cheerful little lady these days.
iz nice.

things that make me happy (an ongoing list)

-redheads/gingers
-hot baths
-bukowski
-tall people
-produce sprinklers
-my moon shoes
-sneezing
-a slinky on the stairs
-subtitles
-tattoos
-zombie movies
-the sound of traffic when you sit under an overpass
-freckles
-babies
-cartoons
-video games
-eye lashes
-swimming
-flannel
-toothbrushes
-innocence
-toffee
-dandelions
-kites
-indiana summers
-silence
-sandwiches
-polaroids
-nostalgia
-old books
-chocolate chip cookies
-hugs
-late nights
-new socks
-old “new” things
-discovery
-spontaneous dancing
-awkward people
-always looking for the best in people
-my dog
-the beach
-traveling
-self respect

andy samberg is quite possibly the love of my life.
and i may just have to marry him.

"in the many places you're not, i am."

objects of my affection

I remember when, when I first moved here
a long time ago,
cause I heard some song I used to hear back then
a long time ago.

I remember when even further back in another town
cause I saw something written I used to say back then
how to comprehend.

And the question is was I more alive than right now?
I happily have to disagree
I laugh more often now
I cry more often now
I am more me.

But of course somedays I just lie around
and hardly exist
and can't tell apart what I'm eating
from my hand or my wrist.

Cause flesh is flesh, flesh is flesh is flesh
the difference is thin
but life has a certain ability of breathing new life into me
so I breathe it in
it tells me here you are and here all you are here
and still can make sense
if you just show up and present an honest face
instead of that grin.

And the question is was I more alive than right now?
I happily have to disagree
I laugh more often now
I cry more often now
I am more me.

The other day this new friend of mine
said something to me,
'Just because something starts differently
Doesn't mean it's worth less.'
And I soaked it in, how I soaked it in
How I soaked it in
And just asked to prove how right he was
Then you came.

So I'm gonna give, yes I'm gonna give
I'm gonna give you a try
So I'm gonna give, yes I'm gonna give
I'm gonna give you a try

And the question is was I more alive than right now?
I happily have to disagree
I laugh more often now
I cry more often now
I am more me.

if i do not find a job soon, i am going to lose my mind.

i'm glad things have worked out the way they have.
i'm content with the things i've lost,
and i am wildly optimistic.
this is my year for revelations and changes.

i use my bountiful alone time to think.
i realized the longer a person knows me, the further away they get from understanding me.
i feel perhaps those who have known me for years, know less about me now than when they first me.
they start placing me in little compartments and using specific words to describe me.
i am not one layer, and i am not something you can categorize.
i feel like a lot of people stop trying to learn things about me after a specific amount of time because they feel as if they already know all there is to learn.
they are often the first to judge, assume, and sentence me.
and i find myself explaining me to people who should know better than anyone.


things that used to bother me, or maybe should, don't.
there's just not a whole lot i care about anymore.
i'm satisfied with small things.