"Well, everybody wants to go on forever
I just wanna burn up hard and bright
I just wanna be your firecracker
And maybe be your baby tonight."

this song defines just how i feel about relationships these days.
thank you ryan adams.
you're always good at saying the things i don't know how to say.

i'm unusually hard to hold on to.

i'm starting to worry that i disposed of so many bad habits...just to put others in their place.


i keep thinking about eliminating alcohol from my life. currently, i still drink beer and wine occasionally. even when i do drink, i don't "binge drink." i'm in the middle of deciding whether i feel this is okay or not. when i think about doing away with drinking, it's sad to say all i can think is "why?" i do not have an answer to this question, therefore i haven't made a decision.


i'm tired. i don't know what the point of this was.
also i just realized my 2 weeks of no meat are up tomorrow. i think i'm just going to see how long i can keep doing this.

i will figure it out eventually.

"how strange it is to be anything at all."

man...all i want to do is listen to music, make money, and ride my bike alone on empty country roads. i'm ready to start school.


i hate when i start feeling lonely. i've fine most of the time, but this past week has been getting to me.
at least it's nice to know that no matter what, i'll be just fine.

i take comfort in this thought daily.

i am going to lose my mind if i do not get a job by friday.
i am BORED. and BROKE.
tomorrow i am going to use the last of my gas and apply at approximately one million places.
if nothing comes of that, i'm taking it as a sign to develop a nasty drug habit and start hooking.

i registered for school today at ivy tech.
i’m only taking three classes this summer, but i’ll be full time in the fall.
if i go this summer and next summer, i’ll be able to get my AA in one year.
then i have to transfer to IUPUI to get my bachelors in psychology.
so it looks like i’ll be moving back to indianapolis next summer.

i’m excited for my future.

also, i've realized making major changes in the people i surround myself with has been crucial.
i spent the weekend in indianapolis, and had an amazing time.
i met new people, saw some i haven't seen in a while, and most of all thoroughly enjoyed it all despite drinking way too much and only sleeping 3 hrs in a 48 hr period.

for some reason, coming home tonight to a turned on porch light made me smile.
it’s nice to know that someone thinks about me coming home, even if it’s only my grandma.
it nice to know someone likes sleeping in my bed, even if it’s only my dog.
there are worse things in the world.

at the end of the day, i’m much happier alone than with a group of fair weather friends.
i’m starting to worry because i enjoy music, movies, and books more than most people i know.
i find them to be far more rewarding and worth my time.

i am the healthiest i have ever been, both mentally and physically.

buutttt…
i am broke. and it sucks. i think possibly i am so healthy because
1.)i am too poor to go out
2.)this means i never see people.

i’ve realized how much i love poisonous people.
i do not make the best choices in close friends, or the people i date.
i just want to save everyone.
the more lost a cause is, the more i love it.
it’s time to close the door on that portion of my life.

i’m struggling these days to count the people i would label a friend.
i definitely do not need more than one hand.
oddly enough, i can’t bring myself to care.

ha.