guts.

those roads that stretch ahead of us,
the roads that led us here;
singing traditional renditions of the songs we sang last year.
and though these times have made us stronger,
the outcome's no more clear.

calling old friends to make sure they're real,
talking, talking just to feel that sense of home you lost when you left last year.
distance is just numbers on a dashboard,
hours thinking about nothing but the transmission stutter you fear.

i remember what you whispered in my ear,
and all the things we tried so hard to never have to hear, like
"kids tighten up, start saving for the golden years."
well, hey, that picture it fades day by day and the outcome's not so clear.

don't think I'll see you around this winter,
and my tongue's stuck full of splinters;
'cause I'm embarrassed to admit what I've been thinking.
well, hope keeps some afloat, but for me it's no life boat.
the tighter I hold on the deeper down I'm sinking.

tried to put my finger on it but gave it my whole arm.
reached out with good intention, but it only did more harm.
find ourselves alone since the day we're born,
so we seek someone to sew sutures in the places where we're torn.
["calling old friends"-defiance, ohio]



i'm usually not too big on just posting lyrics as a replacement for my thoughts, but in this case every word of this song resonates with me.

it's the time of year when i lose my mind and run away.
there's a wolf on the couch next to me
and you make think that's some witty metaphor,
but i'm simply talking about a fur stole.
for the record i hate that you randomly enter my thoughts
especially since we havent spoken since the beginning of the ending.
i'm well over it but feel you shouldn't be allowed to pollute my life,
even from a distance.

i hate my madness, yet find it incredibly intoxicating all at once.
i dislike facing my demons.
i love everything that is broken.
if you have something that is still whole,
i will gladly break it for you
so that i may better love it.
if you are full of broken things
i have
needle and thread
elmer's glue.
i promise i will make an utter mess of it all
just so you will feel a little warmer at night.
perhaps you will believe that anyone ever cared.
fool.


fuck my stupid birth chart horoscope,
"December 8, 2008--What your heart has been hinting at and your desires have been leaning towards takes one step closer to reality today, with the arrival of Venus, planet of love, into your romantic sector. This is the start of a process that will eventually see romantic dreams and fantasies that have been building, in some cases for up to a decade, evolve into reality. You have begun a journey of the heart that will soon see half the solar system united in the cause."

sounds pretty gay to me.




i need to chill out on the whiskey and writing for a few days.
i'm not making any sense, and i sound completely insane.
i think it's the hormones.